Welcome aboard slugger

Welcome aboard slugger

Real glad to have you on the team

I’m sure you’ll find all you dream

Now just sign where it says:

 “I _________ (employee) authorize employer to scrutinize analyze and demonize my alive, unwise what I moralize, and criticize my social ties”

And here

 “I (employee) will not tell lies, nor submit tries to hide my eyes, when I asked if I vandalize, terrorize, what I prioritize, and will silence my cries and replies whenever employer theorizes it wise to advise, revise and chastise under guise of downsize or otherwise. ”

Good.

Now you will paralyze, demoralize, desensitize, and mechanize. For if you speak in lies, steal supplies, fantasize of feminine eyes, or devise some surprise unauthorized, well like houseflies around honey-pies, these piles of files comprise replies from a hundred guys I can incentivize

To make willing to trade their night for a nothing, to sell their chilling for a schilling, lose their lives for a living, and who’ll never be missing when I’m calling for their chaffing. I’ll be laughing seeing them selling, serving, scrubbing, sweating, stressing, screaming, slaving and suffering when they could be drinking, smoking, playing, laughing, and fucking.

But! I am willing to give you this chance, give you a glance, a place in the dance of finance to try to advance and enhance your stance and romance at the trance that fools call mischance, but that I know as expanse.

Great!

Now you can call in sick, but let me not be cryptic: don’t be a dick and call in sick. I’ve heard the shtick; I know the gimmick but it wont stick because I can deal with lovesick mavericks who imagine the magic, and think beatnik instead of civic. I know that medic rhetoric hides music rhythmic: sick physic is actually trick phallic, lactic is lubric tactic, colic means cosmic, clinic karmic, chronic comic, cystic psychic, lytic lyric, osmic orphic, brainsick a bardic tick antic fabric of the frantic manic ethic of the mystic.

Air your teary and dreamy plea un-suck-sex-fully for all philosophy is possessed by me. I have known happy liberty to be only crazy mystery to attract those who flee responsibility since scrawny acne me, and now see he. High off the socially prescribed remedy of money, my variety of happy is surely the envy of every hippie.

Your invite to insight does not excite, must I cite my delight? I’ve felt my soul alight, ignite beyond finite, met my might, confirmed my birthright in the divine height of heavenly spotlight of the Godly rites of promotion, sight to incite any head-right playwrights onsite aright with plight for graphite to recite this human highlight

Your impiety has kept you from contemporary divinity. Happy you cannot be, but I have messianic pity on the inferiority of your infidelity. Learn now at twenty to see not slavery but the spirituality journey of prophecy, give not lazy apathy, be hungry for my authority, speak to me and of me in gravy not blasphemy, name your baby after me, and at forty you can be not next to me in equality, certainly not above in superiority, but right under me a secondary or tertiary advisory. Then maybe, can you be happy. My word is priestly, my might heavenly, my wisdom reaches infinity, my Godly supremacy can bury you absolutely, so halt your profanity to hail and respect me. The first three months are probationary (you signed your consent here clearly) so if you’re klutzy, crafty, hairy, gloomy, groovy, iffy, icky, junkie, jazzy, lazy, loony, loopy, sassy, smelly, more happy, scummy, pretty, friendly, funny, brainy, masterly than me, or (God Forbid!) take our money from Eden you’ll be cast callously.

Do I make myself clear? Excellent.